General ramblings of an obscene mind


Welcome, Ye of the Naiveté. Be well. Stay swell. Go to hell. For all I care anyway. Let’s move on shall we?

As is painfully obvious to those of you who have ever bothered messing around with the whore that is MS FrontPage 2000, I am using a (fairly dull) theme. Yes. I am indeed a busy man. I study. I rock (now ain’t that just kewl? Don’t agree? You can kiss the A word. That’s right. A brethren is PG, so expect tons of ****s).

A giant fuck you to whoever believed that.

So, what’s the purpose of this – for want of a better word – website?

I’d start with claiming I’m not one to toot my own horn, but that phrase is such an oxymoron isn’t it? Because by definition, saying that is tooting your own horn. So don’t toot your horn. Biological or otherwise.

I recently aced a Using Computer Packages module, and it has inflated my ego, and then some. Let’s put it this way, If I were Leo DiCaprio, I’d be aboard a massive ship yelling out to my loyal subjects right about now.

The purpose, then, is to chronicle my journey to becoming the next Bill Gates. I already am, I  just need a cooler pair of specs.

You get what I’m saying? Is it my failing that he’s much, much richer? Yes, I guess. Not for long though.

*Grinds teeth*

To cut a long story short, I know my eyebrows need dreadlocks. What’s that got to do with old Billy, you might ask. Well, I figure if you’re going to be a famous nerd, at least do it in style. So dreadlocks. Yes. Also the zillion or so Africans I currently go to college with have taken their toll. Racist? Might be. True? GOD yes!

The goal of all this is to flash your souls, so you never go back to being yourselves again. You’ll keep coming back for more, trust me, but it’s like heroin. You want to give it up, you just can’t.

If you have not figured out by now that this has no purpose, you’re a bigger douche than I could have hoped for, but such is life. You see, you hear, you taste, touch and feel, but you never quite understand. It’s not your fault, your headbone is rusty. A cloth dipped in Coca Cola should do the trick.

Now back to real life. I am in Malaysia. Laugh now, but I’ll get out of this hellhole one day! I’m going to New York in the fall inshallah. Oh yeah, I’m one of them! So run before this site goes ALLAH HU AKBAR and blows up. heh.

So Obama’s winning, Clinton’s whining, and McCain, well he’s alive, and that’s what he needs to focus on right now: not crumbling to dust and becoming the campaign trail. I would have said I don’t get Clinton, but I do. It saddens me to see a country that elected JFK and FDR and Abe Lincoln to the Oval Office would even give that bloodhound the time of day, but hey, they elected GWB too. Twice at that. So excuse me if I’m not altogether surprised.

Why, you might ask, is a Pakistani (yeap, I’m that too, what are the odds?) concerning himself with the US Presidential Election? Well, because whoever’s the head honcho there is essentially the one wearing the turban in the Land of the Pure too (Yeah, Pakistan means that. Much better than being named after a piss-ant merchant whose name ends in ‘poochi‘. Did I not mention I’m quite racist?). That’s why. And, eh to hell with it, I like Obama. Not because his middle name is Hussein, but because he’s like mint to the halitosis that is politics. If he didn’t have such unfortunate initials, I’d sport a badge every day everyday.

That being said, why am I still writing, and more importantly, why the heck are you still reading?!

Toodles, more later. Now go check out the rest of my cool (howl!) website.

Ibrahim Suheyl, aka the Mildewed Gander (I’m way out of your cool league. Give up.)

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