General ramblings of an obscene mind II

As is fairly obvious, I fancy myself a writer of sorts. To be honest, I can manage to string a sentence or two together, as can 4 billion other people on God’s green earth. But that’s not really being a writer is it? Eh.. to fuck with it. That’s not why I sat down right now and decided to spew once more. It’s the same reason as always: a crappy internet connection that renders YouTube unusable, leaving me with nothing better to do.

So, what’s on my mind nowadays? Much of the same shit, but I won’t bore the non-existent audience with that. For a change, I shall write about something that makes me happy, rather than the usual dose of what makes me perpetually miserable. I am a miserable little fuck, as many have pointed out, so why deny it?

This new phenomenon enveloping me is the sudden fascination with – for want of a better term – creation. It’s not like I’m suddenly possessed with an uncontrollable urge to procreate, or hug a tree for that matter, it’s just this new-fangled facet of my hitherto unexplored personality that is big on making shit. And by that I mean anything. Like literally A-N-Y-thing.

This ranges from new pictures, new fonts, music, videos, languages (oh yeah!) and gawd only knows what else in line with this self-perpetuating epidemic.  I guess the immortal Tupac summed it up best in Krazy: “A million things goin’ through ma mind…”, that’s the very definition of what’s going on in the sludge factory I call my head right now.

It’s making me happy. I’m not jumping for joy or anything, but I’m definitely feeling more content than I have in a long time. Especially since I set foot in this hellhole (see: Malaysia). Now the reason I’m writing about this (since, yes, I know, it’s not exciting at all) is that I’ve discovered a very pseudo-intellectual side of things ever since this new development.

It’s brought me closer to acknowledging the plight of the entity everyone lives, dies and kills for in some measure. It has helped me understand what He means when He says He loves us seventy times more than our mothers. I’ve never really had trouble processing that claim intellectually, but emotionally, I’m now more open to understanding the true potency of that statement. The scope of it, and what it brings with it.

I’m not saying I now suddenly imagine him to be a sad little child just sitting there watching his creation readying to destroy itself, but it’s a nice break from the naughty kid with a magnifying glass image. I shudder now to think of the power of the love of the Creator, because when a human being can feel what I feel for anything I create – regardless of what degree of absolute crap it might be – the creator of the human being most certainly exponentially transcends any and all such emotion.

Granted I’m making the fatal mistake of subordinating Him to the frailties of the human thought process and mind frame, this is just an analogy. And since there’s no one to read, let alone judge it, I’ll carry on, thank you very much.

It has awed me, to be frank. And if I further subject Him to the – by comparison – ridiculously juvenile human thought process, it seems to me absolutely inhumane to put Him through it. We are the masters of ourselves, and we ultimately choose if our lives end up in a throne, or the gutter. It’s a choice we make consciously, very much aware of the consequence in our opinion. But watching over us, brimming with love, crying with affection, He follows our path to our doom.

Should I do that, or should I Submit? Submission makes me happy. I am happy.

I Submit.


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