I feel pretty. Oh so pretty.

Wow. I don’t know if this is good news for me or bad, but where the severest bout of depression has relinquished its hold on me, it has also paved the way for a phenomenon that was until now completely alien to me.

I’ve suddenly become extremely paranoid. I don’t know how to put this into words exactly, but the best I can do is “paranoid”. It’s so bad that when I do occasionally get my arse out of the house, I’m looking over my shoulder constantly, fearing some unknown attacker. If not that, I’m fearing some sort of car accident, or something more horrible like a bomb blast or something.

If I go out with other people, I feel like running away and hiding in my room because they genuinely scare me to the point where I’m trembling slightly – and these are people I’ve known for a good 10 years or longer.

Yesterday, while out to dinner with my sisters and a friend, I had to park the car in the breakdown lane midway to our destination and had my sister take over because I was shaking too badly – almost about to faint, really – to keep the car straight, and I was literally twitching and jumping in my seat every time a car passed mine by.

I’m not sure if I’m going insane… maybe it’s just a side-effect of being holed up in my room all day in fetal position. I’ll make it a point to tell my shrink that in the next session.

Meanwhile, for the first time in months, I felt good about things for once.  I wrote a small script, that I’m hoping y’all will see on my Youtube channel quite soon. What it’s about, I’d like to keep to myself and those involved right now, don’t want to ruin anything, do I?

So I’m at a strange fork on this dark, psychotic road. I don’t know how to deal with the paranoia, yet what it has seemingly replaced – at least for now – was far, far worse, and I’m just glad it’s taken a break.

The rest, as they say, is trivial.


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