General ramblings of an obscene mind VII

I’ve been running away from relationships ever since the last one fell apart. It didn’t really make sense for me to run into another one, seeing as I found it hard to trust anyone at that point. I still find it hard to trust people, and that bugs me big time. I didn’t use to be that way.

Anyhow, those issues have subsided somewhat. I’m in the phase where I don’t care about relationships, but pretty soon this will pass as well, and then I’ll want one. There have been women around me that I’ve thought about that way once or twice, but back then I was too scared and too disillusioned to start something.

I’m sure that in a month or so, I’ll be ready. The problem is, in a month or so, I’ll be in Malaysia, and there are no women there that I am the least bit attracted to. A part of me says relationships are as much about being apart as they are about being together, but can I really endure another long-distance relationship? I think not. Relationships are already complicated enough.

So basically, by the time I’m ready to be with someone new, there won’t be anyone around to be with. I think I should stick to arranged-marriage.

There’s another problem as well. My dating options lie in very limited avenues. I’ve never dated someone for the heck of it, and I never will. I want it to go somewhere if I’m investing time and emotions in it. Hence, my options are restricted to Muslim women, because they are the only ones who will be willing to understand my no-sex thing. I no longer care about nationality (Indians are an exception, of course).

I used to think only Pakistani women were worth my while because we’d be alike, but the more I think about it, the more I realise I’m more un-Pakistani than most Indians. I don’t like the way they think anymore, I don’t do anything they expect of their man, and I think in a way that would be unacceptable to most of them. So unless a woman comes along who is as brazenly different as I am, there goes that window.

I think I’m destined to live the rest of my days with cats.


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