Archive for the Prose Category

General ramblings of an obscene mind VII

Posted in General Ramblings of an Obscene Mind, Prose on July 11, 2009 by mildewed

I’ve been running away from relationships ever since the last one fell apart. It didn’t really make sense for me to run into another one, seeing as I found it hard to trust anyone at that point. I still find it hard to trust people, and that bugs me big time. I didn’t use to be that way.

Anyhow, those issues have subsided somewhat. I’m in the phase where I don’t care about relationships, but pretty soon this will pass as well, and then I’ll want one. There have been women around me that I’ve thought about that way once or twice, but back then I was too scared and too disillusioned to start something.

I’m sure that in a month or so, I’ll be ready. The problem is, in a month or so, I’ll be in Malaysia, and there are no women there that I am the least bit attracted to. A part of me says relationships are as much about being apart as they are about being together, but can I really endure another long-distance relationship? I think not. Relationships are already complicated enough.

So basically, by the time I’m ready to be with someone new, there won’t be anyone around to be with. I think I should stick to arranged-marriage.

There’s another problem as well. My dating options lie in very limited avenues. I’ve never dated someone for the heck of it, and I never will. I want it to go somewhere if I’m investing time and emotions in it. Hence, my options are restricted to Muslim women, because they are the only ones who will be willing to understand my no-sex thing. I no longer care about nationality (Indians are an exception, of course).

I used to think only Pakistani women were worth my while because we’d be alike, but the more I think about it, the more I realise I’m more un-Pakistani than most Indians. I don’t like the way they think anymore, I don’t do anything they expect of their man, and I think in a way that would be unacceptable to most of them. So unless a woman comes along who is as brazenly different as I am, there goes that window.

I think I’m destined to live the rest of my days with cats.


General ramblings of an obscene mind VI

Posted in General Ramblings of an Obscene Mind, Prose on June 10, 2009 by mildewed

I wrote a very emo poem just now. It was in fact too emo to post here, so I ditched it and decided to leave this small note here instead.

“Us, humans, have the will to do everything, but the power to do nothing.”


General ramblings of an obscene mind V

Posted in General Ramblings of an Obscene Mind, Prose on January 26, 2009 by mildewed

From Bangkok, With Love

This has so far been the single most boring day of my life, and I once spent 17 hours trying to code a piece of software that would endlessly loop an algorithm that conducts searches and hangs computers. A virus, if you will. Sounds terribly exciting but it really was not. Needless to say, I failed miserably.

Point being that the fragilities of the mind are best exposed when the mind simply has nothing to dwell on, or nothing to do. In my case, I have a good bunch to dwell on: what am I going to do once I get the fuck out of Bangkok’s Suvarnabhumi International Airport, what will I do when I reach Lahore’s Allama Iqbal International, is my furry little friend going to be all right in the boarding house I left him in, and a myriad other queries with answers as elusive as anything.

But I simply have nothing to do. The airport has little to offer in terms of entertainment, and whatever it offers is naturally too expensive. I can’t leave it for I don’t have a visa permitting me to enter Thailand proper. Even if I did, I probably would not for fear of being beaten up by an angry mob, or something akin to an angry mob. This from a guy who has spent 21 years in Pakistan. The world, indeed, is spinning out of control.

So back to the alleged fragilities of the mind. Does its constant need for something to do bring to the fore a long-dormant fear that one day the Internet revolution will engulf me whole and leave an emotionally and socially stunted individual who fails to accomplish the simplest of social tasks unless he has a keyboard at hand? Does that mean that going back to the way it was is no longer possible?

I have to say that when your online friends are probably closer to you than people “IRL”, it’s time to stop and take a good long look. The problem is not with the people. They could be wonderful people. Most of the ones I know are. It’s the medium that’s so blatantly fucked that it leaves little to the imagination.

“Hey man! Wassap?! Where you been dawg? I just posted a new vid.. check it out when you got time!”

*Press Send* *Sit mindlessly and pointlessly in front of the computer hitting the refresh button every ten seconds or so to see if someone new commented on said video* *Actually be disappointed when the tired Mozilla Firefox screen shows no new or unread messages*

Is it not pitiful, I ask you, that life has driven us to the point where fallibility is inevitably, and perhaps irrevocably linked to the survival or popularity of one’s social networking account, be it Farcebook, Or-butt, Hi-5172908 or Ewe-Chube. Ewe-Chube is probably an exception because it involves actual creativity. But does this road have an end?

You decide.


Posted in Prose on November 28, 2008 by mildewed

Chuck is getting increasingly awesomer and funnier.

Last week’s episode had me on all fours, and this week it’s official:

Charles Bartowski is a certified BADASS.

General ramblings of an obscene mind IV

Posted in General Ramblings of an Obscene Mind, Prose on September 30, 2008 by mildewed

The Ginger Prediction

It is not something definite. Certainly not. It is something very speculative by most standards. But giving my two-cents is the reason for my existence. So here goes nothing.

Within the next six months, sooner rather than later, the Pakistan Army will either capture or kill – most likely capture – Osama Bin Laden and/or Ayman Al-Zawahiri in the Tribal Areas or possibly in one of the few major-ish settlements nearby.

Don’t ask me how I came up with that conclusion. My mind is a sinister mill for forecast of all things political and all things morbid, which more often than not goes hand-in-hand. I shall explain if my conjecture comes closer to reality.

If not, eh, what else is new?

We are, for once, united in grief

Posted in Prose on September 14, 2008 by mildewed

I am a Pakistani. I have seen with my own eyes pools of blood left behind by bombings. I once stepped on a charred piece of flesh while trying to avoid the scene of a huge bombing in one of the central thoroughfares of Lahore, my beloved city. I have seen men and women alike bawling at the top of their lungs, or alternatively in a confused daze, as a blood-covered surgeon shakes his head and delivers the tidings of death. I have seen it all. I have heard the cries. I have seen the terror. I have felt it, in my flesh and bones.

In my heart, I have hate. Pure hate, for this mother of all malice.

People of India, most recently New Dehli, if anyone can feel your pain, it’s us. Know that we are united in grief. May god bless us all.

John McCain picks Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin for VP

Posted in Prose on August 30, 2008 by mildewed

Where to even begin on this. Republican nominee-in-waiting Senator John McCain picked Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to be his running mate in this more-often-than-not historical presidential election.

It was no doubt a surprise move that left many a jaw hanging and shocked even veteran politicians into dazed disbelief. Mission accomplished.

That’s exactly what John McCain intended to do. It was a smart move if he were to consider only the GOP voter base, and make no mistake, he desperately needed to show them some affection, what with the constant thorn of Ron Paul in his side and the conservative right voter eying him with undisguised suspicion.

But in a general election scenario where independents and swing voters – many of them women left ambivalent as to what they should do after Democratic presidential nominee Senator Barack Obama successfully vanquished Hillary Rodham Clinton- are the top prize, this was, for all intents and purposes, a dick move.

It is very surprising that the mainstream media did not pick up on the blatant urgency and brashness of the move. It seems to have accepted without question the notion that the McCain campaign is so apt at keeping its secrets locked up that no one caught wind of what was actually going on. That is absolute bull.

The media got it right, dead-on in fact, when it predicted that McCain would go for Mitt Romney or Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty. And in my mind, there is no shred of doubt that McCain’s choice was indeed one of the two or – if he were to go very radically different – Joe Lieberman.

Then came the Democratic National Convention.

There is no question about whether or not the DNC was a success. What sent shivers down McCain’s ancient spine was the amount of unity the Demcorats actually exhibited, and how well Joe Biden performed, coupled with the rockstar persona of Obama himself. Biden brought a grace to the democratic ticket that has been unseen since Kennedy-Johnson or Roosevelt-Truman. He is one of the precious few vice presidential nominees in recent American history who could hold their own, and not be just an extension (see: yes-man) of the presidential candidate.

The other thing that scared McCain immensely was the extent to which Obama managed to reconcile with the Clinton voter base. He left men and women in tears and the younger ones with a feeling that they were witnessing history in the making, which they incidentally were. The convention as a whole was orchestrated so well that even Republicans were left speechless.

And let’s not forget the newborn juggernaut of Michelle Obama. The woman knocked socks off in her prime time address and – whether they admit it or not – left Hillary supporters feeling vindicated by the notion that she could be First Lady.

Look at all that from John McCain’s perspective. He is already battling with the “Boring-Old-Man” image in an election that is decidedly about the millions of young Americans who are reaching for the ballot for the first time. He is fighting for election as president under a brand of politics that had the misfortune of having George Walker Bush – a veritable buffoon – as president in a time when American consciousness as a whole is skyrocketing.

He generates almost as much excitement among voters as a bucket of warm spit, to quote John Garner out of context. He is blatantly anti-abortion in a time when women have taken control of their lives more than ever before. He panders to the right and centre unabashedly and supports one of the most tremendous foreign policy disasters in American history: Iraq. He is running as a maverick who – as Obama pointed out in an unusual but wise moment of negativity – voted with Bush 90 percent of the time. In short, he’s running on those too racist to vote for a black man they think is a Muslim as well – two traits that are taboo in their minds – for president, or those who are too hopelessly Republican.

That is not a position you want to be in when you are running for the most powerful office in the world. And John McCain knows that full well.

Enter Sarah Palin.

I will not hesitate for a second before betting my legs that McCain panicked. He realised that he needs to do something radically different from the norm so that people who have so far been yawning at the mention of his name  will sit up and say: “He did what?” And he achieved that much, there’s no question.

What he failed to realise in his panic that once the dust settles and people actually sit down and take stock of Sarah Palin when the shock wears off, the move is more see-through than a sieve. I will not bore you with the short career of the “Hockey Mom” here, you can visit the trillion or so news sites that are pounding on her virtually non-existent resume right now. But what I will do is to tell you with certainity that we are about to witness another Dan Quayle. Possibly even worse, if that is at all possible.

McCain thought, obviously enough, that Palin would appeal to the disgruntled Hillary supporters, but I don’t think so. At the end of the day, when they step into the polling booth, they will realise that they are Democrats, and that the Democratic candidate is Barack Obama, and they will vote for him.

This will fall apart quicker than, well, something that falls apart very fast. In short, I CANNOT wait to see how things now unfold. I need some laughs.