Archive for the General Ramblings of an Obscene Mind Category

General ramblings of an obscene mind VII

Posted in General Ramblings of an Obscene Mind, Prose on July 11, 2009 by mildewed

I’ve been running away from relationships ever since the last one fell apart. It didn’t really make sense for me to run into another one, seeing as I found it hard to trust anyone at that point. I still find it hard to trust people, and that bugs me big time. I didn’t use to be that way.

Anyhow, those issues have subsided somewhat. I’m in the phase where I don’t care about relationships, but pretty soon this will pass as well, and then I’ll want one. There have been women around me that I’ve thought about that way once or twice, but back then I was too scared and too disillusioned to start something.

I’m sure that in a month or so, I’ll be ready. The problem is, in a month or so, I’ll be in Malaysia, and there are no women there that I am the least bit attracted to. A part of me says relationships are as much about being apart as they are about being together, but can I really endure another long-distance relationship? I think not. Relationships are already complicated enough.

So basically, by the time I’m ready to be with someone new, there won’t be anyone around to be with. I think I should stick to arranged-marriage.

There’s another problem as well. My dating options lie in very limited avenues. I’ve never dated someone for the heck of it, and I never will. I want it to go somewhere if I’m investing time and emotions in it. Hence, my options are restricted to Muslim women, because they are the only ones who will be willing to understand my no-sex thing. I no longer care about nationality (Indians are an exception, of course).

I used to think only Pakistani women were worth my while because we’d be alike, but the more I think about it, the more I realise I’m more un-Pakistani than most Indians. I don’t like the way they think anymore, I don’t do anything they expect of their man, and I think in a way that would be unacceptable to most of them. So unless a woman comes along who is as brazenly different as I am, there goes that window.

I think I’m destined to live the rest of my days with cats.


General ramblings of an obscene mind VI

Posted in General Ramblings of an Obscene Mind, Prose on June 10, 2009 by mildewed

I wrote a very emo poem just now. It was in fact too emo to post here, so I ditched it and decided to leave this small note here instead.

“Us, humans, have the will to do everything, but the power to do nothing.”


General ramblings of an obscene mind V

Posted in General Ramblings of an Obscene Mind, Prose on January 26, 2009 by mildewed

From Bangkok, With Love

This has so far been the single most boring day of my life, and I once spent 17 hours trying to code a piece of software that would endlessly loop an algorithm that conducts searches and hangs computers. A virus, if you will. Sounds terribly exciting but it really was not. Needless to say, I failed miserably.

Point being that the fragilities of the mind are best exposed when the mind simply has nothing to dwell on, or nothing to do. In my case, I have a good bunch to dwell on: what am I going to do once I get the fuck out of Bangkok’s Suvarnabhumi International Airport, what will I do when I reach Lahore’s Allama Iqbal International, is my furry little friend going to be all right in the boarding house I left him in, and a myriad other queries with answers as elusive as anything.

But I simply have nothing to do. The airport has little to offer in terms of entertainment, and whatever it offers is naturally too expensive. I can’t leave it for I don’t have a visa permitting me to enter Thailand proper. Even if I did, I probably would not for fear of being beaten up by an angry mob, or something akin to an angry mob. This from a guy who has spent 21 years in Pakistan. The world, indeed, is spinning out of control.

So back to the alleged fragilities of the mind. Does its constant need for something to do bring to the fore a long-dormant fear that one day the Internet revolution will engulf me whole and leave an emotionally and socially stunted individual who fails to accomplish the simplest of social tasks unless he has a keyboard at hand? Does that mean that going back to the way it was is no longer possible?

I have to say that when your online friends are probably closer to you than people “IRL”, it’s time to stop and take a good long look. The problem is not with the people. They could be wonderful people. Most of the ones I know are. It’s the medium that’s so blatantly fucked that it leaves little to the imagination.

“Hey man! Wassap?! Where you been dawg? I just posted a new vid.. check it out when you got time!”

*Press Send* *Sit mindlessly and pointlessly in front of the computer hitting the refresh button every ten seconds or so to see if someone new commented on said video* *Actually be disappointed when the tired Mozilla Firefox screen shows no new or unread messages*

Is it not pitiful, I ask you, that life has driven us to the point where fallibility is inevitably, and perhaps irrevocably linked to the survival or popularity of one’s social networking account, be it Farcebook, Or-butt, Hi-5172908 or Ewe-Chube. Ewe-Chube is probably an exception because it involves actual creativity. But does this road have an end?

You decide.

General ramblings of an obscene mind IV

Posted in General Ramblings of an Obscene Mind, Prose on September 30, 2008 by mildewed

The Ginger Prediction

It is not something definite. Certainly not. It is something very speculative by most standards. But giving my two-cents is the reason for my existence. So here goes nothing.

Within the next six months, sooner rather than later, the Pakistan Army will either capture or kill – most likely capture – Osama Bin Laden and/or Ayman Al-Zawahiri in the Tribal Areas or possibly in one of the few major-ish settlements nearby.

Don’t ask me how I came up with that conclusion. My mind is a sinister mill for forecast of all things political and all things morbid, which more often than not goes hand-in-hand. I shall explain if my conjecture comes closer to reality.

If not, eh, what else is new?

General ramblings of an obscene mind II

Posted in General Ramblings of an Obscene Mind, Prose on August 27, 2008 by mildewed

As is fairly obvious, I fancy myself a writer of sorts. To be honest, I can manage to string a sentence or two together, as can 4 billion other people on God’s green earth. But that’s not really being a writer is it? Eh.. to fuck with it. That’s not why I sat down right now and decided to spew once more. It’s the same reason as always: a crappy internet connection that renders YouTube unusable, leaving me with nothing better to do.

So, what’s on my mind nowadays? Much of the same shit, but I won’t bore the non-existent audience with that. For a change, I shall write about something that makes me happy, rather than the usual dose of what makes me perpetually miserable. I am a miserable little fuck, as many have pointed out, so why deny it?

This new phenomenon enveloping me is the sudden fascination with – for want of a better term – creation. It’s not like I’m suddenly possessed with an uncontrollable urge to procreate, or hug a tree for that matter, it’s just this new-fangled facet of my hitherto unexplored personality that is big on making shit. And by that I mean anything. Like literally A-N-Y-thing.

This ranges from new pictures, new fonts, music, videos, languages (oh yeah!) and gawd only knows what else in line with this self-perpetuating epidemic.  I guess the immortal Tupac summed it up best in Krazy: “A million things goin’ through ma mind…”, that’s the very definition of what’s going on in the sludge factory I call my head right now.

It’s making me happy. I’m not jumping for joy or anything, but I’m definitely feeling more content than I have in a long time. Especially since I set foot in this hellhole (see: Malaysia). Now the reason I’m writing about this (since, yes, I know, it’s not exciting at all) is that I’ve discovered a very pseudo-intellectual side of things ever since this new development.

It’s brought me closer to acknowledging the plight of the entity everyone lives, dies and kills for in some measure. It has helped me understand what He means when He says He loves us seventy times more than our mothers. I’ve never really had trouble processing that claim intellectually, but emotionally, I’m now more open to understanding the true potency of that statement. The scope of it, and what it brings with it.

I’m not saying I now suddenly imagine him to be a sad little child just sitting there watching his creation readying to destroy itself, but it’s a nice break from the naughty kid with a magnifying glass image. I shudder now to think of the power of the love of the Creator, because when a human being can feel what I feel for anything I create – regardless of what degree of absolute crap it might be – the creator of the human being most certainly exponentially transcends any and all such emotion.

Granted I’m making the fatal mistake of subordinating Him to the frailties of the human thought process and mind frame, this is just an analogy. And since there’s no one to read, let alone judge it, I’ll carry on, thank you very much.

It has awed me, to be frank. And if I further subject Him to the – by comparison – ridiculously juvenile human thought process, it seems to me absolutely inhumane to put Him through it. We are the masters of ourselves, and we ultimately choose if our lives end up in a throne, or the gutter. It’s a choice we make consciously, very much aware of the consequence in our opinion. But watching over us, brimming with love, crying with affection, He follows our path to our doom.

Should I do that, or should I Submit? Submission makes me happy. I am happy.

I Submit.

General ramblings of an obscene mind

Posted in General Ramblings of an Obscene Mind, Prose on August 12, 2008 by mildewed

Welcome, Ye of the Naiveté. Be well. Stay swell. Go to hell. For all I care anyway. Let’s move on shall we?

As is painfully obvious to those of you who have ever bothered messing around with the whore that is MS FrontPage 2000, I am using a (fairly dull) theme. Yes. I am indeed a busy man. I study. I rock (now ain’t that just kewl? Don’t agree? You can kiss the A word. That’s right. A brethren is PG, so expect tons of ****s).

A giant fuck you to whoever believed that.

So, what’s the purpose of this – for want of a better word – website?

I’d start with claiming I’m not one to toot my own horn, but that phrase is such an oxymoron isn’t it? Because by definition, saying that is tooting your own horn. So don’t toot your horn. Biological or otherwise.

I recently aced a Using Computer Packages module, and it has inflated my ego, and then some. Let’s put it this way, If I were Leo DiCaprio, I’d be aboard a massive ship yelling out to my loyal subjects right about now.

The purpose, then, is to chronicle my journey to becoming the next Bill Gates. I already am, I  just need a cooler pair of specs.

You get what I’m saying? Is it my failing that he’s much, much richer? Yes, I guess. Not for long though.

*Grinds teeth*

To cut a long story short, I know my eyebrows need dreadlocks. What’s that got to do with old Billy, you might ask. Well, I figure if you’re going to be a famous nerd, at least do it in style. So dreadlocks. Yes. Also the zillion or so Africans I currently go to college with have taken their toll. Racist? Might be. True? GOD yes!

The goal of all this is to flash your souls, so you never go back to being yourselves again. You’ll keep coming back for more, trust me, but it’s like heroin. You want to give it up, you just can’t.

If you have not figured out by now that this has no purpose, you’re a bigger douche than I could have hoped for, but such is life. You see, you hear, you taste, touch and feel, but you never quite understand. It’s not your fault, your headbone is rusty. A cloth dipped in Coca Cola should do the trick.

Now back to real life. I am in Malaysia. Laugh now, but I’ll get out of this hellhole one day! I’m going to New York in the fall inshallah. Oh yeah, I’m one of them! So run before this site goes ALLAH HU AKBAR and blows up. heh.

So Obama’s winning, Clinton’s whining, and McCain, well he’s alive, and that’s what he needs to focus on right now: not crumbling to dust and becoming the campaign trail. I would have said I don’t get Clinton, but I do. It saddens me to see a country that elected JFK and FDR and Abe Lincoln to the Oval Office would even give that bloodhound the time of day, but hey, they elected GWB too. Twice at that. So excuse me if I’m not altogether surprised.

Why, you might ask, is a Pakistani (yeap, I’m that too, what are the odds?) concerning himself with the US Presidential Election? Well, because whoever’s the head honcho there is essentially the one wearing the turban in the Land of the Pure too (Yeah, Pakistan means that. Much better than being named after a piss-ant merchant whose name ends in ‘poochi‘. Did I not mention I’m quite racist?). That’s why. And, eh to hell with it, I like Obama. Not because his middle name is Hussein, but because he’s like mint to the halitosis that is politics. If he didn’t have such unfortunate initials, I’d sport a badge every day everyday.

That being said, why am I still writing, and more importantly, why the heck are you still reading?!

Toodles, more later. Now go check out the rest of my cool (howl!) website.

Ibrahim Suheyl, aka the Mildewed Gander (I’m way out of your cool league. Give up.)